Power & Control vs Equality
- Coercion and threats:
Making and/or carrying out threats to do harm; Threatening to leave, commit suicide or report to welfare; Forcing to drop charges; Forcing to commit illegal acts.
- Male Privilege:
Treating partner like a servant; Making all the big decisions; Acting like the "master of the castle;" Being the one to define the roles.
- Economic Abuse:
Preventing partner from seeking or keeping a job; Making partner ask for money, providing an allowance or taking away money; Preventing knowledge about, or access to, family income.
- Using Children:
Making partner feel guilty about the children; Using children to relay messages; Using visitation as harassment; Threatening to take children away.
- Minimizing, Denying and Blaming:
Making light of the abuse and not taking concerns seriously; Saying the abuse didn't happen; Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; Saying the partner caused it.
Controlling what the partner does, who they see and talk to, what they read and where they go; Limiting outside involvement; Using jealousy to justify actions.
- Emotional Abuse:
Putting the partner down; Making partner feel bad about themselves; Calling names; Making partner feel they're crazy; Playing mind games; Humiliating them; Making them feel guilty.
Making partner afraid using looks, actions and gestures; Smashing things; Destroying partner property; Abusing pets; Displaying weapons.
- Negotiation and Fairness:
Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict; Accepting changes; Being willing to compromise.
- Economic Partnership:
Making money decisions together; Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.
- Shared Responsibility:
Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work; making family decisions together.
- Responsible Parenting:
Sharing parental responsibilities; Being a positive, non-violent role model for the children.
- Honesty and Accountability:
Accepting responsibility for self; Acknowledging past use of violence; Admitting being wrong; Communicating openly and truthfully.
- Trust and Support:
Supporting partner goals in life; Respecting rights to each others feelings, friends, activities and opinions.
Listening without being judgmental; Being emotionally affirming and understanding; Valuing each others opinions
- Non-Threatening Behavior:
Talking and acting so partner feels safe and comfortable expressing themselves and doing things.