Will They Change This Time?


  • Violence or threatening to you or others has stopped
  • The abuser acknowledges that his/her abusive behavior is wrong
  • The abuser understands that s/he does not have the right to control and dominate you
  • You are not coerced into having sex when you don’t want to
  • You can express anger toward the former abuser without feeling intimidated
  • You are not made to feel responsible for the abusive behavior
  • Your opinion is respected, even if not agreed with
  • Your right to say “no” is respected
  • You can negotiate without being humiliated and belittled by the former abuser
  • You don’t have to ask permission to go out, go to school, get a job, or take other independent actions
  • The former abuser listens to you and respects what you have to say
  • Communication is honest and not manipulative
  • The former abuser recognizes not being “cured” and that changing behavior, attitudes, and beliefs is a lifelong process
  • You are no longer isolated from your family or friends
  • The former abuser no longer does ____________ (fill in the blank with any behavior that used to precede your abuser’s violence, manipulation, or emotional abuse)